the season has become rainy. it’s gray. it’s cold. it’s december. today was one of those days on which i could not seem to wake up. my eyes feel droopy, big black ellipses underneath. the apartment cold when i woke up, the cat waiting outside by the window to be let in.
i like the mornings i find her in bed with me, curled up on my legs. when i am away at work, she sleeps in a cubby filled with knitted scarves.
though out of town right now, i like the mornings i wake up with adam. if cold, i can pull myself in close to him cuddle, warm up before i push out from under the covers and dress for work. sometimes he won’t look up when i wake; i’ll dress and quietly shuffle around in the dark, and before i leave i’ll walk to the bed and kiss him. he’ll sit up to kiss me, the covers falling off his shoulders and i think beautiful.
when the autumn turns cold like this i like being alone. i like the quiet of my house. and i like cooking for myself and drinking tea and reading before bed. but i like the loneliness because i also have a desire to be around those i love. hanging christmas ornaments in the apartment makes me miss my family, my mother and sister and father. if i were in alabama, i would lay around the house and care for the cat then have chinese for dinner with my family on christmas day. if the cold keeps in during this time of year, the time i spend with friends becomes more cherished. i want drinks with friends, unlayered, out of the rain, ruddy cheeked and smiling.