acceptance

i felt a hand on my ass, so i turned around and he just grinned at me.  whiskey soda in hand, i smiled because it's been a long time since i've cared how grabby old men can get.  i mean i definitely still have boundaries, they're just not as drawn as they once were. and this behavior may not be completely harmless as there are a lot of men and women in the world who do not deserve to be groped like this, but personally i just don't mind.  it's sort of flattering - some drunk stranger likes the roundness of my bottom enough that he could brazenly put his hand there and squeeze a little.

i should be determined not to become one of these men as i grow older.

and perhaps i am succeeding.  i apparently already look old and i don't remember leering at or groping any young boys recently.  this friend said to me, "how old are you anyway?"

i said, "oh, i'm twenty-eight, actually."  in my head, it's sometimes hard for other to imagine that i'm as old as i am considering how young and fresh of face i still look.

nope.  he said, "ugh.  i thought you were older than that."

my youth must be disappointing, just i have suddenly become disappointed in my evidently rapidly decaying youth.

john refers to my boyfriend and me as "the blands."  we don't party and drink as much as john.  as plenty of other fierce people my age do.  i have never considered myself as particularly cool, though i did point out to john how bland he acted having spent the past six months in sobriety and seclusion within his house.

sunday, i watched a group of people lick droplets of drugs off their hands like salt before a shot of tequila.  i met up with adam.  we ordered pizza and then sat around talking with his roommates.  adam and i had sex.  not bland.  waking up was difficult the next morning - it always is - but i did not feel like crap all day at work.